If you have the misfortune of finding yourself living in a haunted house this Halloween, there are a few ways you can ease the suffering and really spark some joy. Here at Bookstore Movers we love to be helpful, so here’s our top 5 suggestions for dealing with uninvited spectral guests.
1) Get Your Exorcise On
Forget Crossfit– if you really want to get a perfect body you can start by digging up and anointing the one under your floor boards. Once you set that sucker’s spirit loose, you should be all set!
Note: Just because your property doesn’t say it was built on a graveyard, doesn’t mean it wasn’t. People die, like, everywhere. People were buried willy-nilly. You’re always walking over dead people, don’t worry!
2) Channel Your Inner Marie Kondo and Yeet that Haunted Heirloom into a Trash Compactor
I know your family has had it for generations and your mom said it really matches your decor, but sometimes that Childlike Clown Doll/Dybbuk Box/Bronze Key with Mysterious Blood Stains just doesn’t spark any joy. Sometimes it sparks spontaneous combustion due to possession by pyromaniac child ghost. Just thank it and let it go!
Note: If possessed possession appears in your bed despite having been tossed, burned, or buried you may want to move on to another tip.
3) The Reality Revolution Will Be Televised
Everyone knows that when you have a problem with the supernatural, you should hire an incompetent crew of amateur ghost hunters with an excessive amount of cameras and made up ghost gear. Just make sure they night vision film your good side as they fumble around your house before hearing voices and eventually splitting up and, one by one, showing up murdered.
4) Did You Hear Something? Nah.
You can always treat ghosts and naughty poltergeists just like a child’s tantrum and pretend it is not happening. Oh, did you hear that wailing? See that book flying across the room? Me neither, man.
Note: I am not a parent, and am not allowed to babysit my nephews for some reason.
5) Being a Ghost Host, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Ghosts
Hey man. Life isn’t always what you expect. Sometimes you just gotta adapt, and roll with the punches. Sometimes you just gotta hang with the ghosts. Who says they can’t be helpful? Maybe they’re good roommates. They can find things. Remind you to drink water. Frighten away (other) guests who have overstayed their welcome. Just give it a try!
Hopefully these tips can help you keep some happiness in hauntings– and if all else fails, we know some good movers. Happy Halloween, DC!